Sunday, September 29, 2019

Getting back to life

I really don't know where to start.  A lot has happened over the last few months.  And I feel a need to come back to this space.  I miss the people, miss the documentation of what is going on in my life with my family.

My family of 4 is now a family of 3.  And I am happy with my life, finally.  After years of walking on eggshells, wondering if I had done everything correctly, I no longer have to worry.  No longer have to be afraid of what I do or don't do, say or don't say, where I go, who I run into, who I talk to.

After lots of shuffling around the last couple months, Tyler and I have landed somewhere.  It is still only temporary (hoping to find a rental with a little bit more room and a barn for his 4-H animals), but we can stretch out and breathe.  Jessie is living with her dad.  But I see her a lot and talk to her every day.

Moving 3 times in 6 months sucks.  The first one I knew about, the second one I had no clue, and this one?  This was our choice and we choose to be here.  The summer was good.  We stayed with my parents for a few months to get our bearings, heal emotionally and mentally and so Tyler wasn't alone while I was working.

Now, we have our own space, we can relax, I don't have to worry about him while I am working, we have friends close by if we need help, and I am seeing the smile return to his face.  That alone is worth everything we have been through over the last 5 years.

I thought this May he would never play football again, never play basketball.  But he decided last minute to play football.  He is starting varsity for offense and defense as a sophomore.  Last year he started on defense as a freshman.

I love going to games on Friday nights.  Watching these boys who are more like brothers do their jobs.  Have a good time.  Play hard.

A couple weeks ago he decided to go out for basketball again.  This thrills me to no end.  Because he has enjoyed basketball for so long I hate to see him give it up.  And I know he is now happy and thriving.

And while I'm in a job I absolutely hate, I'm thankful for the income so I can support my kids and myself on my own with no help whatsoever from their father.

I've had some pretty serious health diagnosis come up over the last few years, and am going to start tackling them and getting them under control.

So follow along on our journey to heal and put our lives back together.  We only get one life and I am determined to live this life on my terms and to the best of my ability.