I never thought I'd end up a single mom. Especially after 24 years of marriage. And as I followed my son on the way to meet his date for the homecoming dance at a neighboring school, I couldn't help but think (and cry a little) about the turns our lives have taken this past year.
I am not one that thinks parenting is hard. It is just something that you have to do. I signed up to have kids almost 20 years ago. And I have loved every minute of it. And I am incredibly sad that I don't have someone to share the good times with.
It's scary watching your sign drive to pick up a date. Just yesterday he was my little boy.
But I'm getting tired. Tired of working 60+ hours a week to put a roof over our heads. Tired of no help from my ex (I just finally got an award of temporary spousal support and child support - we will see if he pays it). Tired of never having any extra.
But at the same time, I know my son sees what is going on. I know it in the way he asks me on a Saturday night if I have somewhere to go. I see it when I'm sitting in the stands on Friday nights and when he comes to the sidelines after coming out on the field he finds me and gives me a thumbs up. Lord knows he should hear me screaming for him.
But at the same time, I wouldn't change this season of our life for anything (well, except maybe getting some financial support). Because I am closer to my kids now than I have ever been. I have a whole new circle of friends. I have a place that is all my own to live and I am loving it.