Life takes a hard left

I thought I had it all.  A wonderful husband, terrific kids, a dream mini farm in the country.  Oh how naive I was.

5 years ago I got into some trouble with the law.  I'm not going into details at this point.  It's enough for me to recognize I was incredibly stupid. As one of my best friends and biggest supporters said - despite all that you are a fantastic person. Learn from it and grow.  It's behind you for a reason.

5 years ago last week my husband was in a farming accident.  He slipped on a patch of ice in front of a running corn picker and his hand/arm went into the head of our single row picker.  After a life flight right to a major trauma center and a month in the hospital - he lost his hand.

And we all lost something that following year.

I make no excuses for what I did. I betrayed people who trusted me implicitly.  But more importantly I betrayed the people closest to me.  We thought we could work through everything and keep our family together. But fate has different plans sometimes.

Yesterday I did one of the hardest things I have ever done.  I'm sure over the next few months I will do harder.  But I have realized something.

Major accidents/trouble can either define you or break you.  And I refuse to be broken.  Am I perfect?  Hell no absolutely not.  Sadly, my husband does not feel the same way.  I know it's depression and stress but I refuse to be bullied, belittled and degraded any more.  The defining moment was when my son said to me "I'd rather live on my own than in this house with you and dad always fighting."  And my daughter has asked why we can't just get along again like we used to.

And believe me - I would love to have my family back.  But I believe there is more and better out there for both of us.  I'm tired of walking on eggshells waiting for the blow ups.  I've tried to hold everything together for 5 long years.

And i realized something about 8 weeks ago. I was at the lowest of lows.  And I really didn't want to continue on with my life.  But my kids have grounded me and pulled me back from the edge time and time again.  Thankfully I have have the belief (and a doctor who agrees) that essential oils can do some good - but that modern medicine can step in and play an important role.

I'm not sure where this new life will lead us, but I intend to live it joyfully, honestly, and to the fullest of my ability.  We truly are given one life to live and I am going to make it a good one.

Blessing my friends

In between work and basketball games and driving to and from basketball practice and decorating my house for Christmas, I am hosting a Mini Kit Young Living class on Facebook.  Notice I didn't say Christmas shopping.  I have a new rule this year - I'm buying as little as possible in stores this year.  Amazon loves me.  I think I have 3 gifts to get that I will have to physically walk into a store.  And I'm trying to figure out how to buy those 3 gifts online too.

I have a great fear of getting up in front of people and talking.  I used to not be this way.  But life and circumstances have a way of changing you sometimes

The mini-kit classes have been a huge success.  I send you samples of the oils broken up into 3 packages, along with the supplies to actually use the oils in a beneficial way (think roller bottles, bath salts, thieves cleaner, a mini DIFFUSER, etc.)

It's been fun talking to everyone and sending out these little care packages.  These oils have helped me so so much.  And I love blessing my friends with a little gift every couple of weeks.

Christmas Spirit

I love Christmas.  I love everything about it.  Except the shopping.  But decorating for Christmas?  I'm all over that.  The last couple of years I haven't wanted to decorate but I have done it.  This year I felt like I was getting my mojo back.

I've really cut down on the decorations I put out.  And this year I packed most all of my everyday decorations away.  And I'm all lot more relaxed - my house isn't as cluttered.   

 

Of course - I had to finish painting my living room.  Granted it was only 1 wall but I had painted the other 3 walls last February.  So it really didn't take long at all. 

  

I think I need a few more Santa's.    

  

In January (well, December 30th to be exact). I'll put away all my Christmas decorations and get out all my snowmen.  But I couldn't resist putting out this runner.  Mom and I made these years ago. 

  

I think I have 7 or 8 nativities.  I really need a few more.  

 

The kids helped me decorate both trees.  Every year we talk about cutting back on the ornaments.  And somehow they make it all on the trees.

 

One of my first Nativities.  Jessie put out most of them for me this year.  

The dogs aren't sure abut all the decorations - the trees have taken a few serious hits recently.

This wall hanging I had hung in my kitchen every year.  I'm thinking I like it here next to my mantle. At least it covers up this big area pretty well.

Tyler has a very extensive cowboy santa collection.  My parents have gotten him quite a few over the years.  

I need to find something for this tree to use as garland.  

Jessie drew the sign for me.  This chalkboard has come in handy ever since we brought it for her grad party.  I love my mantle this year.  I'm so thankful she is good at this and likes to do things like this.

I hope everyone has a fantastic evening!!

Growing Up

Can someone please tell me when my baby grew up?  Or maybe more accurately when he will stop growing?

Basketball has started.  And he is a starting player on the JV team.  Right now our JV team is 3-0.

I hope he is having the time of his life.  I could care less about the points he does or doesn't make.  What I want is for him to continue to be a good, decent human being.

Despite all the turmoil we are going through at home (more on that later - but right now it's a raw wound that we are trying to process) he still pushes through and plays hard.

It's funny - but I keep seeing him out on the court as the little boy that couldn't hit the broad side of the barn and was all gangly arms and legs.

And he would kill me for that.  But I guess at 15 1/2 and 6'4" its time he grew up.  

I just want to see both kids healthy happy and confident again.  We are getting there.